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How many times have I been around ?
Recycled papers paving the ground
Well, she lives for the written word
And people come second, or possibly third

And there is no style, but I say "well done"
To the Girl Least Likely To
Oh, deep in my heart, how I wish I was wrong
But deep in my heart, I know I am not
And there's enough gloom in her world, I'm certain
Without my contribution

So I sit, and I smile, and I say "well done"
To the Girl Least Likely To
Page after page of sniping rage
An English singe or an American tinge
"There's a publisher," she said, "...in the new year"
(It's never in this year)

(Morrissey "The Girl Least Likely To")



I worked out the other day that I've written 15 or 16 novels. Some of them were never finished, others have been lost in removal vans. But some survive intact, and I thought... well, what's the use in them gathering dust?

This journal will contain the following novels.

Ragdolls & Puppets The Britpop novel about teenagers, it waxes lyrical about supermarkets and bus-stops. tried to get it published, but oddly enough, no-one wanted to take a novel about teenagers who sat by windows drinking tea and watching the sun go down whilst being blithely optimist about a view of chimneys and washing lines. I was 16 when I wrote this in 6 weeks at the beginning of 1995.

The Strange Ones Continuing the Britpop theme with a novel about a band, with an obviously Richey Manic-esque tortured genius character in it. I wrote this just after I'd finished Ragdolls & Puppets. In fact, I didn't finish it, but there's a strange sense of completion where I don't think I could've gone on with it if I'd tried.

In The House By The Park Written when I got into Wuthering Heights, this is ludicrously melodramatic. Some woman sits in a bay window in a black satin dress looking at the park beyond, smoking, with ash dropping on her clothes, having a moan about how crap life is. I was 16-7.

Lament For A Trapped Spy This novella is deeply paranoid, to a degree that makes it uncomfortable for me to read now. It's about a mod who obsesses over secret agents. The title is the name of a tune on a Man from UNCLE soundtrack album. I wrote it at the beginning of 1998, when I was 19.



They're not masterpieces - I know that. But... well... this is free, and it might give you a brief moment of entertainment, even if it is just to laugh at my chronic inability. But remember, I'll sue.

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